Thursday, August 4, 2011

Let's Recap: Roseanne's Nuts

I stumbled upon this gem tonight while channel surfing to supplement a night without a Real (or Not Real) Housewives of ANYTHING crapisode. Apparently Roseanne Barr has risen from the dead, put her flatulent days behind her and tries to lead a healthy life in her new reality shit show, Roseanne's Nuts. 

[who can forget…]

Has anyone seen this show?  I mean, it's just like a train wreck - you can't NOT look.   A washed up and eau naturale Barr preaches about female divinity and self-sustaining agriculture while golf-carting around her modest Hawaiian farm in various moo-moos kaftans.

[this must be her dress-up kaftan, because what she was wearing looked like a soiled grocery bag compared to this]

Her boyfriend, John, a seemingly normal dude despite all the douchebagery that goes around him and her son, also a levelheaded bloke,  call 'em as they see 'em and try to support Roseanne in her search for meaning and a simpler life.  Neither one fully on board or drinking the new-agey Kool-Aid that she's marketing, though.  

[can't believe he actually likes her!]

Between exercising her sex organs (yep) in a paddock full of fellow ruminant animals or attempting to cook a meal entirely from her own land, she still broadcasts her token obnoxious voice and snarls curse words in every other sentence. 

[her son wants to punch her in the gonads]

No wonder the show is on Lifetime Television, you can't make this shizz up.  I'm going to tune back in if only for another glimpse of her "celebrity" musician friend prancing around in skinny jeans and a "Soul Jah" back tattoo.  Looks promising…  Short of predicting weather with her uterus, this gray-ed out version of Roseanne is almost funnier playing herself and showing her hokey attempts to channel herself and her own peace than her eponymous long running show.

[Eat your heart out, Tom Arnold]

Sending sunshine and Roseann's wild boar belches your way!


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