Thursday, February 18, 2010

Egg Rolls and Peeves

So my hubby called me this morning, excited to relay that the Bulldog had placed first in the Non-Sporting Group at Westminster. I was totally pumped. Come to find out, when checking the Westminster babble online, it was really the French Bulldog that took the blue. Never the worry - because I have the most perfect Bulldog right here at my fingertips. Wilma Applesauce Brower, her god-given name of course. Each night, we spend some QT with our pup, cleaning her up, wiping her down and doing a good ole vitals check. On this particular evening, Wilma presented a potential red-flag. Her feet smelled abnormally... normal. Like you'd expect a dog's foot to smell like; earthy, muddy, wool carpet scented.

In the past, we've noted a plenitude of smells. Sometimes Wilma's feet smell like Beef and Cheese, other nights - Cheetos. Last night, they actually smelled like egg rolls. You may think I'm certifiable, but I have a rather discerning sniffer - and she certainly keeps me on my toes. Speaking of weird Wilmaisms, I've also noticed recently that she licks the air for prolonged periods of time. From my years as a vet-tech, I am sure it's due to a recent throat surgery, or some extra drainage from her glands, ears, sinuses, etc. However, this particular activity is a pet peeve of mine - pun intended!

I often refer to myself as quirky, shying away from derogatory labels like weird, picky, mental... But with my quirks come some interesting Peeves. Here's the short list, in order of importance:

1 - dogs licking
2 - lip smacking/open-mouth chewing
3 - words with double 'o's
4 - mispronounciation of names and words, repeat offenders

Let's start with number one. This only applies to dogs, no other animal on the planet. My horses could lick their buckets, their salt blocks, even each other and I pay no mind. But as soon as my dog (or ANY dog) starts licking, mainly when licking "themselves" - I start to short-circuit. Maybe it's the audible dislike, maybe I over-think it, maybe I was scarred from a previous Golden who licked any and everything possible. Whatever the case, I hate it. So when Wilma started this incessant air licking, my biased opinion of my dog's near-perfectness came screeching to a half-halt. That said, let's not analyze this one much further.

Point two - bad etiquette. It drives me up the wall when people smack their gum or chew like a cow. I'll admit, I was NOT the daintiest eater tonight over sushi and seaweed salad, but there was actually a situational excuse - it's called sushi and seaweed salad. I want to crawl and a hole and hide when I hear someone carelessly chomping on their food (oh, and also the time I saw a guy at Mike's Diner scratch his back with his dinner knife - but that's a story for a whole separate post). Save it for your own home - in public, let's learn some manners. We were all taught, chew with your mouth closed. Spit out your gum if you can't chew it with some decency. I'm sensing an over-arching theme here... mouth sounds tend to set me off... I actually don't care to know the Freudian explanation.

Third Peeve is one I am actually starting to tackle. Double "O" words. I can even list them for you, which is huge progress from where I was a year ago... I wouldn't even let myself think them. Poop, Pooch, Poot, Kooter, Hooter, Hooch, Hoo-hoo, whoop, I could go on too long here. First offender and similar words thereafter tend to be deeply rooted in a hatred for trying to make ugly words "cute." Let's call a spade a spade, here, rather than supplement a "cutesy" double "O" word for it. But to my earlier point, I am getting over this one. I have had to time and time again explain why I am cleaning up after my puppy, and inevitably, the word Poop just came out. I now refer to her woman-parts as her hoo-hoo, and I may even entertain eating the world famous wings at Hooters one day.

The last Peeve needs little explaining. I have some wonderful people in my life that happen to be repeat butcherers of words, and each time I bite my tongue to not correct them. I figure, if I have corrected a word's pronunciation more than 3 times, that person just simply chooses to say it how they wish to say it, and ain't no English teacher on the planet that is gonna change their mind. But it still grates on my nerves just a little bit, each time I hear my in-laws and a few neighbors (god bless all of them) mispronounce Wegmans, Febreeze, Giant grocery store, Ikea, Cumin and some other words here and there. I'll let these slide though, because for them, I can handle a few glitches.

By now, I am sure you all are thinking that there is a 12-step program specially crafted for someone of my caliber, but I may have already taken the first step tonight. Admitting I have a problem, through sharing with you (however tangential it may have been) my connection to egg rolls and pet-peeves.


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